What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
08.06.2025 04:07
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
What is the most craziest dream you ever had?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
What makes cars from companies like Dacia or BYD appealing compared to Tesla, especially in Europe?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Put me off passion for life!!
I'm British and I hate my glasses. Are prescription glasses better in New York City?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
We all went to grammer schools
You Can Own This Ultra-Rare Italian Viper - Motor1.com
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She married twice! .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Procter & Gamble says it will cut 7,000 jobs over the next 2 years - CBS News
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
This is soul school!.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
How do I study with focus and concentration and avoid distractions and procrastination?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Belmont Stakes 2025: Odds, horses, prediction, complete bettor’s guide - New York Post
And i lived it daily.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But ive been too sick for many years..
What is your review of working in EY?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I waited trembling.
Oldest depiction of the Milky Way galaxy discovered in an Egyptian sarcophagus - Earth.com
This is how, and why children get BPD.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Atheists who have read the Bible and think that contains immoral things, why do you assume that?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
As i do to all so called friends.?
Ive learnt so much.
I could never make a relationship work though!
She found it foreign!.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I was seconnd youngest,
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Especially a lifetime of it.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
My life is so biszare .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
We were not on the streets..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I couldn’t, believe it.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
All the time i was locked up.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
So, i spoilt her more .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I have no regrets .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I was 9 years of age.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
(And it was in our own minds.)
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Im still living with it.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I will be 64.
She was in good health!
He resisted the act ,that day.
He knew the spot.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Was to survive, this bastard.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
My mum and dad in the seventies!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I was scared of men, in general
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
It was going to be , some day.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I don,t even have a pension.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I write beautiful poetry .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
So whats the point in blame.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I never cut or harmed myself..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She loved him until the end.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I said to her
What did i know ?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But it wasn’t much.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
My family never makes their pension either.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Who then, do I blame.?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She wouldn,t have been !
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I was very sick at this time too.
Comes on , in middle age.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But, we were locked up after school.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
When she asked me how she looked .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
One cannot live in the past .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Would this be the day?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I think the readers, may guess!